so i figured i would post another journal entry just to let people know that i'm alive. i know there are some people on here who are also on fanfiction.net that i also haven't spoken with in a long time. BUT....it's been a bad year.

my boyfriend and i were supposed to move in together, to another city, so that i could go to college this fall. instead, he decided to break up with me, three months before we were supposed to move. at work (yes we still work together). it was the most out of the blue thing, that i still can't really belive it even happened. literally he one day tells me he loves me and then a few days later says he doesn't anymore. why can't guys just be honest? is it genetics, that they just feel the need to lie about every single goddamn thing in their pathetic lives? guess so.

and then my dad got sick. he passed away July 27th from liver cancer, a disease he never should have had. the only reason he is dead is because of a bad blood transfusion. because he was a hemophiliac, and was given blood tainted with Hepatitis C. because some asshole organization couldn't be bothered to do their job properly and supplied thousands of victims with blood products gained from a prison. from somebody who probably deserved to be in jail, and to die. not my dad.

a year like this has left me wondering about everything in life. what's worth doing, and what isn't. who's worth even speaking to and who isn't. how do you look forward to anything again, when you know nothing is ever going to be okay? not really, anyways. it's easy to keep yourself busy and pretend, but when night falls, and you're huddled up alone in bed, in the darkness with nothing to distract you...that's when it all falls apart.

it sucks that my first journal in a long time is so despressing, but i just had to get it out. and i couldn't write one, pretending that life was happy. because it just isn't.